I loved the comment in last Sunday’s Mark Driscoll video sermon when he said Christian friendship is much like any other friendship but is much deeper because it knows how to deal with sin. I love how God’s grace heals our disconnection with God Himself, as well as healing human relationships.
But I’ve been thinking about how this works in practice. When we are sinned against, it’s really hard to respond with grace. What do you do when someone has hurt you and then not said sorry for the hurt they’ve caused? It’s easy to feel angry and bitter. It’s easy to hold a grudge. It’s hard to forgive others when they don’t apologise for their actions. I’ve felt this numerous times and struggled to know what to do in response.
It’s also hard to forgive people who have apologised for their actions, yet have done the same hurtful thing soon after the apology. The easy thing to say in this situation is “why ask for forgiveness when you just go and do the same thing all over again?” In some cases this question is valid (especially when people aren’t really sorry for their actions). And what about the person who is stuck in sin, wanting to change but who repeats unhelpful behaviour?
This is the struggle which the Apostle Peter was seeking clarification on when he asked Jesus the following question in Matthew 18.
“Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matt 18:21-22
In the Hebrew culture (which Peter and Jesus were part of), the number seven represents fullness or completeness. What Jesus told Peter was that we are to totally forgive people, just as God has forgiven us (Luke 11:4). This is a clear teaching of Scripture. But it’s still hard.
What is forgiveness? God working through Keiyeng helped me here when she said “forgiveness is giving up my right to hold something against another person”. This simple statement brought about a real breakthrough in this area for me at the beginning of this year. I had been battling with bitterness. I realised that I had a growing chip on my shoulder, and that I held some past hurts against some people. But forgiveness is giving up my right to hold something against someone.
What does this mean? Forgiveness is all about the other person – it’s to say “for your sake and for the sake of our relationship, I choose to forgive you for what you’ve done”. And forgiveness means that when someone sins and repents, we can be gracious and forgive them and help them to change.
How can we forgive and be gracious? As Christians, we never deserve God’s loving favour, but we get it in truckloads. As Christians, we are people whom Jesus will never give up on (Philippians 1:6). Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:37-39). And just like we don’t deserve it from God, so often we don’t deserve forgiveness and grace from each other. But it is grace that brings about peace with each other.
As Christians, we are to be present with each other, sharing our lives with each other, open to encouragement and correction with each other, speaking the gospel of grace into each other’s lives. When we as Christians live this out, our community becomes a community of grace that heals the hurts we experience and brings about real personal and corporate transformation. This transformation brings us together rather than breaks us apart.
May this definition of a community of grace be true of us more and more as we live out our lives as 5:17 church!
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